WikiHow: How to Write the Great American Novel

Writing the great American novel may seem difficult, but by following these steps, it will become quite easy!

1. Think of a setting. Maybe a Midwestern farm or a major metropolitan area?

2. Create some characters.

3. Write a plot with a rising and falling action, and plenty of conflict.

4. Reach into the metaphysical depths of the human condition while siphoning the zeitgeist of an entire era. It may help to do this by taming the blazing desire that brightly burns in the inner recesses of every American's soul, then offer an improbable yet attainable solution for a future ravaged by fatalistic suffering and unrequited needs.

5. Come up with a catchy title!

Desperation Time

After surfing through the interbutts today I was shocked and disappointed to find my blog was not quite as popular as Gawker yet. Below are some schemes I thought of that should boost this site's hit count:

A Desperate Attempt at Boosting this Blog's Hits

Hey, have you heard the latest gossip about Paris Hilton? What about the Britney Spears? Or that Blue-Ray disc? No? Too bad then. Now if you'll excuse me, I should get back to this Chicken Recipe I've been working on.

A desperate attempt at getting Blogspot's attention

Hey, Blogspot.com! Your blogging services are of substandard quality!

A desperate attempt at getting the attention of an old high school friend

Hey, Tim Hahn! Your jumpshot in high school was of substandard quality!