My Attractive Face

Biologically speaking, I have an attractive face. Lots of women look at me and say, in these exact words, "Boy, that guy's attractive face suggests that his genes would prove beneficial to our potential offspring." You bet your bottom dollar it does, ma'am. What can I say? I have dark bedroom eyes, an un-diabetic looking smile, and a broad jawline that whispers "Hey baby, our kids will have an extremely low chance of being born colorblind." Still not ready to reproduce, ladies? Well check out my high forehead, which, when furrowed, vaguely resembles the DNA sequence for a low waist-to-shoulder ratio. Or my mouth, which is evolutionarily designed to protect potential offspring from hot foods by blowing on them.

When I think about it, though, my most biologically attractive facial feature doesn't have to do with symmetry or strong brows or nice eyes. The most attractive quality, the thing that really makes human females say "Wow, this guy's ready to mate," would have to the huge erect penis protruding from the middle of my face where a nose should be.