Atheists

Setting: A cocktail party. Cocktail weenies are being served. This will come into play later.

Mary: Todd, I'd like you to meet my brother, Jeff. He's also an atheist.
Todd: Nice to meet you, Jeff. Were you at the last atheist convention in Copenhagen?
Jeff: No, actually, I went to the one in Oslo.
Todd: (disgusted) Oh, so you're an Eastern Orthodox atheist.
Jeff: At least we aren't watering down atheism for the masses like you shameless Reformed atheists.
Mary: Wait, I thought you guys just all didn't believe in a god and that's that, right?
Todd: Ha, if only it were that simple. You see, whereas your brother here believes that there is no God and never was one, the Reformed Church of Atheists believes that there was a God but he was killed by Noam Chomsky in a knife fight back in the 50s.
Jeff: (praying) Forgive him, God-who-doesn't-exist. He knows not what he says. Also, my non-existent Lord, I left you some milk and cookies on the table last night as a sacrifice, but since you aren't actually real, I succumbed to my desires and ate the cookies myself. Please forgive me and don't banish me to the subterranean fires of Hell, which science has proven don't exist. To repent for my evil deeds, I shall watch YouTube videos of Christopher Hitchens for six straight hours.
Todd: Oh here we go, another typical Eastern Orthodox move. Praying in public, trying to look like a big devout atheists in front of the non-non-believers. Real genuine, you charlatan!
(Max approaches them)
Max: Hey are you guys praying to the great Non-Existent One? You should come to my anti-prayer group this Tuesday night to celebrate the joy and blessing of his non-existence. There'll be fudge squares!
Jeff: Buzz off, you new age weirdo.
Todd: Yeah, now here's a retarded atheist.
Max: Very well, brethren, but remember--the forgiveness of the fake Lord is always real!
(he leaves)
Mary: What was that all about?
Jeff: Heh, Max is a Fundamentalist atheist.
Todd: Ha, the idiot believes that there was an omnipotent God, but he lost his powers to Satan in a game of Connect Four in 1985 and since then he's been working as a computer programmer in Cincinnati. It's an off-shoot of the Reformed denomination.
Jeff: So stupid.
Todd: Yeah, seriously.
Server: Would you gentleman like a cocktail weenie?