Fantasy Football Advice From My Exclusive Subscribers-Only ESPN Fantasy Football Package

Adrian Peterson, Minnesota - RB

ESPN says: Peterson is a lock to be a top 5 fantasy player this year, barring any injuries, of course. Definitely take him if you have a top five pick in your league.

ESPN Insider says: Peterson averaged 5.6 yards a carry last year and should definitely get plenty of touches, but last week in practice he appeared to be clutching his hamstring after several drills. Potential owners should monitor this situation as it develops.

ESPN Fantasy Edge says: Peterson's the man. He scored 12 touchdowns despite missing time last season, and should definitely be a top two pick. And as for that "hamstring injury" last week, don't worry, that's just a little something Peterson faked to throw off those Insider clowns. Peterson assured us here at Fantasy Edge that he's feeling fine and is ready for another spectacular season.

Tom Brady, New England - QB

ESPN: The best quarterback in fantasy football should have another MVP-caliber season. Take around the mid to late first round in deep leagues.

ESPN Insider: Brady seems to be the consensus choice for best quarterback in fantasy, but yesterday during passing drills he seemed to clutch his elbow after throws, causing many to speculate on a possible injury. Check back for more details during the week.

ESPN Fantasy Edge: Brady's the obvious choice for best quarterback, don't listen to those jack-offs at Insider. After practice yesterday he invited a few Edge reporters to his place for some cocktails and Guitar Hero III, and trust me, his elbow is looking fine. A sure-fire first-rounder.

ESPN Insider: What the hell, Edge? We can read what you're saying about us! Also, we may not have been invited to his post-practice cocktail/Guitar Hero party, but he did give us some free jerseys after practice. Draft Brady late in the first round.

ESPN Platinum Plus: Last night, we at Platinum Plus broke into Brady's house, knocked him unconscious and drove him in a van to our subterranean facility, where we ran tests on every part of his body. The elbow seems to have healed, though a bone marrow biopsy revealed his platelet count to be slightly below average. Check back for more details this week, but he's too risky to draft in the first third rounds.

Marques Colston, New Orleans - WR

ESPN: Colston proved himself a top 5 fantasy wide receiver last year. Don't let him fall past the third round in your league's draft.

ESPN Insider: Yesterday Colston invited the Insider crew over to his house after practice for some bocce and nachos along with the Edge dudes. It was real chill. His hamstring problems appear a thing of the past.

ESPN Fantasy Edge: Agreed. Colston's a solid bro, and Insider, you need to work on your bocce tossing, am I right? Just kidding man, you guys are cool. Take Colston in the late third round.

ESPN Platinum Plus: We shrunk down a team of scientists and injected them inside Colston's body last week. The scar tissue around his pulled hamstring worried us, but what we found in his DNA printout scared us more than anything. Genetically speaking, Colston's 1.15% more likely than the average population to contract colon cancer by the age of 60. We're not sure how this will effect his status for the season opener, but check back for more updates. Don't take earlier than the fifteenth round.

Clinton Portis, Washington - RB

ESPN: Portis should be a top ten back again this year. He's been consistently productive for many seasons now and will be the focal point of the Redskins offense.

ESPN Super-Platinum Plus Premium: Look, you gotta listen to me. We ran some tests here at the Super-Platinum Plus Premium facilities, and our advice is this: Don't draft any players this year. Not a single one. They're all injured.